Dedicated to my father
What is death? How does every
human being define death? How do you feel when you hear about someone who is
dying? How many of us have actually realized our natural and inevitable end?
Over the past few months, I have been studying a book that I highly recommend
to everyone: “The Tibetan Book of Living
and Dying” by Sogyal Rinpoche. In this article, I am not going to say
something that hasn’t been said before, but, I thought that if I say a word or
two, someone might get inspired to engage with this topic and meditate on it.
Death…How limited our
perception around this topic is. Are we aware that in other civilizations
(older and contemporary) there are people who aid the soul of the dying person
to depart? The spiritual guides, through their own ways and ceremonies, contribute
to the peacefulness of the dying person and help him/her and his/her familiars
for the incident that is about to follow. We, in the Western World, and
especially the people in large urban centers, see Death as an infectious
disease and we tend to avoid it. Is it like this though? Shall we see it in
another way?
Instead of just feeling sorry
for someone who is departing, we can on the one hand honor him/her for the
passage he/she realized in our life and on the other hand help him/her make
peace with the life he/she experienced, whichever that was. The most important
changes in the consciousness of a human being happen towards the end of life.
In other words, on our behalf we can honor the dying person while he/she is
still alive and not only through the funeral in the end. We can also comprehend the amazing gift called life and thank this
person for what he/she is and for what he/she has done. This also helps us to
realize the transience of everyone and therefore be conscious of our people
while they are still around us.
Reflect on the numerous
marvelous procedures that are activated when faced with the information of
death: procedures of maturity and openness of consciousness, forgiveness, evaluation
of the truly important things in life, repentance, consciously experiencing life
(in comparison with the notion of “simply surviving every day”), fear removal
that inhibited the realization of our desires and the goal of our life, and so
much more.
I would like at this point to
emphasize that human pain that we experience when a familiar of ours is
departing from life is an absolutely normal emotion, as we are humans and we
feel the pain, and this is part of the richness and grandeur of having a heart
and loving. I would also like to explain that people dying need us to set them free and assure them that they can
rest “in peace”. In this book, there is an example worth mentioning: “when
someone dies, this is something irreversible, and it seems to that person
(dying) as if being on a ship ready to sail, but, cannot depart as the
relatives do not let go through their lament and their attachment” (paraphrasing).
As the soul of the person who has died is going through several stages until it
is completely set free from the life it has lived, it is good during the time
period determined by the religion each one believes in, to apply all the
rituals necessary – for instance, in Christianity the Sanctus takes place in
40-days time, while in Tibet of special importance are the fourth and seventh
week since the death of that person. This shows that the souls of the human
beings departing need our contribution in order to head “towards where they
should be going”. They definitely need though from us forgiveness and freedom. There
is nothing more natural than death. It is not the end, but, the passage to
another cycle. This is consoling for all of us. In related books, people
studying this topic as well as scientists report so many things that can help
each one of us to reconsider our stance. Every day we experience cycles that are
concluded; small deaths: when we move to a new house, when we lose unexpectedly
something we loved, when they “leave us”, the abandonment we experience, and
the break of ties with people or situations. That’s how a person experiences
the stress of death without realizing so. How many people report their fear of
airplanes, for instance, without realizing that they are expressing indirectly
their fear of death? I believe that by better comprehending the nature of
death, we can better comprehend the nature of this life.
Another thing worth
mentioning: in some cases, when someone dies, we don’t want to enter the drama
intertwined with this situation. A slight perspective of “arrogance” and
repulsion emerges us within us, while subconsciously we might be marginalizing
that person out of fear of having contact with that unpleasant feeling. What we
don’t know though is that the person feels already in the margin from the very
first moment he/she found he/she is dying and through our stance we aggravate his/her
condition. Wouldn’t it be better for all of us to help that person, through the
compassion of our soul, accept his/her departure and praise him/her while still
in life (as mentioned before)? Within us, we should be grateful to the dying
person as thanks to him/her we are given
the chance to touch upon a subject that is so unpleasant for us to get to know.
Instead of avoiding it (thinking that this will not happen to us or that it is
still far away from us and that we are now strong and healthy), it is more
honest to stop this self-delusion and accept that there is nothing else as common between people as death. The most
definitive incident in the history of mankind. It is the only incident that
reminds us that we are all the same and that in this case there is no one
better or worse. We are all humans who at some point will depart for a new and
unknown destination. Death is the best
exit from the duality and the egocentricity of the Ego. An excellent life
exercise for all of us.
Finally, I would like to
explain that death is related to the life contract each one of us has. The fact that someone departs might mean
that his/her life-work has been concluded and his/her time to depart has
arrived. No drama necessarily. Let me add that, according to the book, we
have the right to a peaceful death,
which means to die with preparation of the Spirit, preparation of the soul,
within an environment that nurtures divine inspiration that comes at these
moments and through the support of the people left behind.
By changing perspective
regarding this topic (the way it goes for everything else), we will have a life
of greater quality, consciousness and calmness. Besides I believe that whatever it is we fear, we better get
acquainted with it and look at it in the eyes, instead of pretending that it
doesn’t exist.
Concluding, I will cite an
abstract from the book, chapter “HELPING THE BEREAVED”, pages 459-560:
“Don't let us half die with our loved ones,
then; let us try to live, after they have gone, with greater fervor. Let us
try, at least, to fulfill the dead person's wishes or aspirations in some way,
for instance by giving some of his belongings to charity, or sponsoring in her
name a project she held particularly dear.”
In
this book (which is not the only one) there is important knowledge regarding
the issue of death and I am not saying this for promotional reasons, but,
because I want to honor the source that offered me all this knowledge. Hope I
have been of help.
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